How To Get Your Boyfriend To Be More Affectionate

a couple being affectionate with each otherA man not being affectionate to his womanThe first few months of any relationship are very romantic and emotional.

Both of you might even be enveloped in a honeymoon bubble. However, with time, the bubble often bursts and the level of affection can decrease.

The relationship can then soon slip into a routine, a monotonous repetition of tasks and chores.

Eventually, one of the partners may become bored, which may in some cases lead to cheating or breaking up.

Anyone who truly cares about their partner and the relationship they are in will of course not want this to happen.

Top Reasons Why He’s Not Affectionate

Feelings of Neglect

First, he could be feeling a little neglected. If you’re so busy that you don’t spend some quality time together, then your man could stop being affectionate because he feels a little forgotten about.

If this is the case, then be sure to pay him some attention and reassure him that although you are very busy with various aspects of your life, he is still on your mind most of the day and he is still very important to you.
Nagging

This is one that comes up time and again. Of course, not all women nag their men, but if you are a person who is constantly nagging him, your man might choose to pull away from you.

The same goes if you’re always trying to pick a fight.

Some people have the misguided notion that having frequent fights in a relationship keeps them passionate. However, this is not advisable for a healthy relationship.

Furthermore, if you are in a relationship with someone who does not see the fighting as a passionate benefit, then he is highly likely to start to pull away from you.

He might be exhausted from always fighting with you, so much so, that he prefers to withhold his affections.

a couple having an argument

See also: How guys text their crush when they really like you

A Sexual Problem

Your man may have a sexual problem that you are not aware of. This can be several things from erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or past sexual abuse.

If your man is suffering from erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, then he may be embarrassed about it and is keeping it to himself for fear that you may ridicule or leave him.

If the two of you are in a serious and loving relationship, then his fears will most likely be unfounded. However, when a guy is experiencing one of these fairly common conditions it can be very difficult for them to open up about it, even with their partners.

Often, these conditions can be related to stress and worry, in which case they can pass in time. However, it would be a good idea for him to get a check-up with his doctor to help determine the cause.

Reassure him that these conditions are very common, can often be short-lived and there are a number of things can be done to help.

It may also help him to see a doctor if he understands that doctors do in fact see guys with these kinds of conditions frequently, so it is nothing to feel ashamed of.

If there is a history of sexual abuse with your partner, then there may be psychological things that are stopping him from being affectionate.

If this is the case, let him know you are there for him and listen to him if he feels he wants to talk about it with you.

However, do not make him feel in any way that he needs to tell you about it if he is not ready. If he confide in you, then do not break his trust by telling your friends or family about it.

Abuse of any kind is very traumatic and deeply personal so respect his boundaries and privacy.

Don’t try to handle this alone, encourage him to see a counsellor or psychologist who specialises in this kind of abuse.

Here is a good resource for people who have suffered abuse.

The Dying Phase

Another possibility is that the relationship could have entered into a dying phase. Therefore, being affectionate or doing spontaneous things might not ignite the spark that was once there previously.

Basically, he might just want to break up with you because there is nothing left there anymore to fight for.

See also: Relationship texting and miscommunication

How To Make Him More Affectionate

Here are a few tips and ideas that you can try in order to get him to be more affectionate towards you.

Expressing Concerns And Feelings

Do you want your partner to do romantic gestures spontaneously? Do you miss the times he would surprise you with something unbelievable?

If you want your partner to become more affectionate, you can express your feelings and concerns without any criticism.

Have an open and honest conversation with him about how you see the relationship and how you are feeling.

If you are always pointing out the things that your partner did wrong, he might feel attacked and criticised, which may eventually lead to a breakup.

Find a good time to talk about the relationship and remind him about the good things that happened in the honeymoon bubble and all the things that you really enjoyed about that time.

Eventually, your partner will realize that the two of you have let the ball go and will want to try to find new ways to make you feel special if the relationship is still important to him.

Having an open, two-way conversation with your partner about the relationship where you can both be honest in talking about the good and not so good aspects may help him to realize that you are missing the affection.

Think about the time you started flirting with your partner. It was a way to show him that you’re interested in him.

Well, if your relationship is not the same as it used to be, you can start flirting with your partner again.

Flirting is not just for the initial stages of a relationship. Flirting with your partner in an already established relationship will help him to feel wanted and sexy, and can help to build those feelings of attraction that lead to intimacy.

You can do simple things such as telling him a funny joke just to see him laugh. On the other hand, you could try tickling him or being cute around your partner to tell him that you’re interested.

Doing these little things should help to bring back the affection if there is any attraction still there. Your partner will remember the earlier times when he enjoyed doing things just to make you laugh.

More reading: Ways to flirt with him over text

Compliments All Around

One of the main reasons why the affection might not be present in your relationship is because you’re not grateful for the things that your man does for you.

If he does a small thing like open a door or pulls out a chair for you, always show him a little appreciation, even if it’s just a loving smile to acknowledge his nice gesture.

Once he holds your hand or helps you put the groceries in the house, you can always thank him for doing it.

Regardless of how small the action, he needs to feel appreciated, just as you do. Even better, he should start doing these things just to hear you say the word ‘thank you’ and to see the smile on your face.

Encouraging your man through little praises to the things he does do for you should go a long way into bringing the affection back into the relationship.

Final Thoughts

Finally, you should also remember to be affectionate towards him.

Yes, you might be vocal about how your partner has stopped being affectionate, but you might have also done the same thing without realizing.

Therefore, keep things interesting by surprising him with affectionate gestures, little gifts or intimate moments to mark his day.